In honor of my (Pet Pal Keli) Traci Girl. I still love you deeply and miss your tremendously. 5yrs ago today, 2 months prior to your 14th birthday, we said our dreaded good bye. I still cry and long for you. You, your Daddy, and I plus Dr. Charity Arnes gave your health conditions all we had. There will never ever be another Traci. I Love You.
All our Love, Momma and Daddy.
Traci… That one of a kind dog that formed that one of a kind bond that all dog owners dream about and all pups deserve; passed 5 years ago today. She was the silent partner behind Pet Pals. Silent that is until she had something to passionately share and then she respectfully let her voice be heard one way or another. Traci was the kind of pup that felt more like an extension of yourself; that always seemed to know exactly what you were telling her or asking her to do; that always new how to communicate back to you in a way that you'd understand her; that was always right there next to you and yet danced around your every anticipated move in a way that made her no more noticeable than your own feet.
Traci helped train other dogs including at least giving her much bigger cousin Max a challenge, was a role model for her cousin Gracie, and was the rock for our anxiety filled rescue dog Rinzen. She would keep, and restore, the peace when other animals (cats and/or dogs) weren't getting along and would protect the underdog or cat. In fact, she saved Rinzen a few times from more than just embarrassment. Still, with people; she new how to steal the attention in the room, make everyone laugh, or to just lay low when the situation called for it. She new how to distract you when you needed distracting and snuggle in close when you needed to feel.
Traci’s drive, strength, and passion for life was a major inspiration to starting Pet Pals and wanting to work everyday to better the lives of people and their pets. Everyone should get to experience that once in a lifetime bond with an animal and it's that mentality and experience that Pet Pals' brings to each service, each time. Traci may have passed 5 years ago today and yet her spirit lives on and is strong every day around our community through Pet Pals and all those that are passionate about animals.
If you have suffered the loss of a pet, know someone who has, or unfortunately preparing for that day....please read on.
"A pet parent's worst fear is losing a beloved companion. For those who have experienced this loss, there is usually a poignant story to share about a cherished dog or cat’s passing. From one pet owner to another, we understand the intense pain and emptiness that occurs after this loss. There is no correct way to grieve and work through this process, as everyone walks down a different journey with a pet.
A pet may symbolize a child, sibling, best friend or long-term companion. Dogs and cats live an average of 13 years—enough time to truly enter and live in your heart. They become a part of your family and daily life. Your morning routine may not be complete without playing fetch or going on a walk with your dog or snuggling with your feline.
The death of a pet can be a truly traumatic experience and create a large void in our hearts and lives—comparable to losing a close family member or friend. As humans, we project onto our beloved pets our thoughts, emotions, and ideas: We see ourselves in our animals. The common belief that “owners come to look like their pets” may not be a literal truism but rather a figure of speech indicating that our pets are our self-objects.
To understand the kinship of dogs and humans, we might look at the qualities that humans think their friends should have. Laura Argintar in ADVICE suggests they include: no judgment, genuineness, trustworthiness, acceptance, respect, forgiveness, support, dependability, thoughtfulness, being a good listener, sharing humor, love. How does this stack up with the humans we know? Need I say more?
The magnitude of pet loss grief
A pet is truly a gift that can change your life and bring you monumental happiness and gratitude. Pets teach you responsibility, patience, kindness, discipline, playfulness and, most importantly, unconditional love. Even if your dog chews your couch, scratches your doors, and manages to eat every sock you own, you still figure out a way to share your home and heart with your companion.
The death of a pet can hurt as much as the loss of a close relative or friend.
It is common for humans to have conflicts with family members over religion, money, politics and so forth—conflicts that may create emotional distance between them. Humans and pets do not have these types of conflicts—pets are 100 percent dependent on their human companion. Yes, you may become angry at your dog for chewing your shoelaces or leaving a “surprise” on your carpet, but these feelings of frustration and anger quickly dissipate after your pet looks up at you with funny ears and wide-open eyes.
Stages of grief
People who have never had a pet might not understand the loss and may invalidate your feelings as you go through the grieving process, but don’t allow them to dictate your feelings. It is normal to feel devastated after the loss of a pet. It is common to believe that your dog or cat will still be around to greet you at the door when you arrive home. Many people feel disloyal if they decide to adopt another pet.
In her book, On Death & Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Denial
is a normal part of the grieving process. Just make sure you don’t deny your grief. Allow yourself to express your feelings in any way that benefits you. Expressing your feelings can be truly cathartic.
Anger
is a normal stage of grieving and it is common for pet owners to become angry at the “why” and “how” their pet died. Was it a terrible accident? Was it an incurable disease or illness?
Becoming angry at the reason for the pet’s passing might eventually lead to bargaining. You might say things to yourself like: “If only I could have three more days with Fido.” The constant “what ifs” and “if onlys” can be extremely stressfuland unsettling.
Depression
or sadness is the fourth stage of grief in the Kübler-Ross model and, for many, the longest stage. Some people will always hold a small amount of sadness in their heart for their beloved pet.
Acceptance
is the final stage, but accepting a loss does not mean forgetting the memories. At this stage, you may feel like your life is becoming normal again and you may even consider adopting another pet.
Everyone grieves differently
Grief has no timeline and no boundaries. Everyone grieves differently and for dissimilar lengths of time. Your level of grief may depend on your age and personality, your pet’s age and personality, and the circumstances of your pet’s death, as well as the relationship between you and your animal. Often, individuals who live alone take longer to grieve because their companion played such an important role in their lives. The same is true for disabled people who lose a therapy- or seeing-eye dog, because the animal was not just a companion but also a vital aid to their daily tasks.
If you or a loved one has recently lost a pet, try to remember your companion by keeping the love alive. Maybe frame a photo of your pet, plant a tree in your pet’s memory, create a symbolic gravestone, or, if you cremate your pet, keep the ashes somewhere special. Keeping the memories of your beloved companion alive can be the healthiest way to get through the grief."
The above was not composed or wrote by Pet Pals. Contributed by Kristen Fuller, M.D. and Psychology Today.
